Let's talk jealousy.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Jealousy isn't always a bad thing, and honestly if at a moderate level, it can be really really attractive. I'll explain what I mean later in the blog, but what I want to do is break down and explain each kind of jealousy that I know of, and how each one is bad or each one is good.
Romantic Relationship Jealousy
-The Overly Attached Girlfriend / Mr.StealYourGirl/ Mrs.ManSnatche
-The S(He)'s So Lucky to Have Them
Friendship Jealousy
-The Best-Friend Snatcher
Family Jealousy
-The Competitive Parents (compete against biological/step parents)
-The Favourite Child
Other Kinds of Jealousy
-Academic Jealousy
-Materialistic Jealousy
-You're Rich, I'm Poor
For now, Let's leave the list there and I'll break down each kind of jealousy, how to deal with it if you know someone who is acting that way, or how to deal with yourself if you are feeling one of those ways. Common Everyday Jealousy
"They've got the grade's because they're rich"
" They are so smart, I wish they'd just fail. I want to be smart."
"They're so freaking popular. I hate them, I want friends"
"Damn, what a nice car, and here I am with my Toyota Corolla 2006."
"I Can't stand rich people, they don't deserve it."
Sound familiar? If yes, then you or someone you know suffers from some common, easy to treat jealousy! But hey, don't worry. This one can be fixed with a bit of morale and support. The common thing with these examples is that they come from wanting something that you don't have. You don't have the grades, you don't have the car, you don't have the money, you don't have the status. But for some reason someone else does. It isn't fair that they have it all and you have nothing. Its just not fair....Or is it? Let me ask you a question:
Have you ever wondered how they got to where they are? Have you ever tried to work your way there?
The likelihood is that the answer is no. Some of the wealthiest, most popular people in the world got their through hard work, through building an identity for themselves. Yes, some people fake it all for attention, and yes, some people are born into money -- But that doesn't mean that they are happy. The whole reason you are jealous is that they are happy with where they are and you aren't.
So get the hell up off your lazy sorry ass and do something about it.
The Best Friend Stealer
This could be a new person who comes to school and suddenly becomes the centre of attraction in your group and takes your spotlight. Or it could be that you and your one or two best friends are childhood pals and have always been tight. but now one person has come along and "stolen" then from you, and that now your friends are suddenly always with this new person, and almost never with you? Something like this just happened to one of my good friends. Hell it happened to me too.
Here's The Story: Two girls were best friends, since childhood. A new girl showed up and introduced herself into the friend-group. Now? Girl A's best friend, Girl B, is always hanging around the new girl, Girl C, who Girl A doesn't like because she's completely losing her best friend. She's angry, and upset, and it seems that Girl B is avoiding her. What can she do? She's jealous of Girl C and is losing a lifelong friend. This Sucks.
Getting through this kind of issue can be very emotionally hard. There's no getting around it, you are going to have it hard. But that doesn't make it okay for you to just give up without trying. That being said, sometimes giving up is the solution, even if it is a lifelong friend.
Look, you are going to have to try to get this friend back. They are not mind readers, they wont know how you feel until you tell them. So talk to them. You have no idea how much better this will work. And try to avoid an argument, try to talk like civil, calm people. So no name-calling, no accusing, no being mean. If that doesn't work, keep trying. If the person is worth it, they will smarten up, accept your feelings, acknowledge them, and make you feel wanted. Otherwise? Drop them. If they are being more toxic to you than you are to them, if you are trying so so hard, you're trying to be nice, you talked about everything, you were honest and tried, but It's hurting you? Then just leave it. It's not worth destroying yourself. Nobody is worth that. And I know you think that 'but they are worth it.'
No, they really aren't, If they were worth it they would have made up with you and everything would be good and dandy. If they are hurting you, and they know you're trying, walk away from them. And yeah it's going to be tough. But it's the right thing to do. Being jealous of someone else is something you can't do because the person they're taking away from you is not worth it to begin with. So either prove your dominance and keep it together with your friend, or leave and continue a the story of your life. Good Luck.
Family Jealousy
Are you one of the many siblings in your home and you feel that you aren't getting as much attention as one of the others? Do you feel like you're being loved less? Or are you a step parent competing to fill the shoes of a biological parent who did a better job of raising kids than you? Or maybe the reverse? A biological parent competing for the love of your kids against a step parent? Whatever kind of family drama it is, trust me it isn't as big of a deal as you might be making it. Trust me. I would know.
In Terms Of Sibling Rivalry...
I have two little brothers, I'm the oldest. My mother is always complimenting my middle brother, and it seems that the whole world just loves my youngest brother. And me? I just felt left out all the time, unappreciated, and unwanted at times. Heck, I considered running away once too years ago. I know too many people who deal with feelings like this. First off your parents are your parents love you. In today's world, the perfect parents are the ones who are literally your best friends and you tell them everything. Well guess what, your parents are human too and humans are not perfect. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. They make mistakes, they have preferences, but not in terms of their kids. And guess what? They love you. Do things to make them proud because they work hard for you. They care about you. Parents in Canada come from everywhere around the world, and so they were raised differently, they have different values, and they will treat you differently than Susan's father treats her or Ali's mom treats him. They will love you equally and unconditionally, no matter how they show it. Sibling rivalry is a dangerous thing and can seriously screw you up. Communication is key, talk to you parents, and they will tell you exactly what you want to hear---and it's going to be true.
In Terms Of Parental Jealousy...
Again, there is no such thing as the perfect parent. So stop trying to be perfect. You know your kids better than anyone else should. If their parents just split up, you have to understand that they will not be so open to the idea of having a step parent replacing their other parent. Same applies to the biological parent who wants to be as cool as the step parent. Talk to the step parent and tell them how you feel. If your kids are mad at you for "leaving them" sit them down and talk to them. If they are too young to understand the circumstances, then be fun, be part of their lives, take them out. Have fun, but stop trying to one-up the step parent! Just be yourself, be cool, and be the father/mother your kids want you to be! Compete with yourself, not with the other person. Being jealous and competing with the other parent is going to make you look like a serious idiot. I mean, haven't you seen that movie? Daddy's Home??! Trust me, when you start being yourself, and just treat your kids well, without being a jealous fool, your life will be better.
Romantic Jealousy
Last, but definitely not the least, the jealousy that applies to romance. This is easily the most complex jealousy with some of the most SIMPLE solutions out there.
The OverlyAttached Girlfriend
Hopefully you have never seen this one in real life before. These are super scary. Even though it says "Overly Attached Girlfriend", it can also apply to guys. This is the person who is so freaking stalkerish, they always want to be with you to a SCARY degree, they want to know when you are out, when you are home, who you talk to, don't want you talking to other girls/guys, and want to be your only best friend, want to have you all to themselves in a nutshell.
And trust me, the OAG will do whatever she can to do it (trust me, ANYTHING).
Nothing much you can do if you're stuck with one of these crazy people.
If you're still confused, well its a good thing because you have no clue what I'm talking about.
But here's How it usually goes down in a Yandere (OAG) situation:One Minute it's like this:
"I love you so much, be mine forever" And The Next is like:
"I saw you look at that cashier--she touched your hand--I'll kill her!" And Then:
"Don't you love me? Am I not good enough?" And Finally:
"If I can't Have you, Nobody Can."
2. Mr.StealYourGirl & Mrs.ManSnatcher
Stop. Slow Down.
Right now, you have nothing to be jealous of. You are in the relationship with the person you are into right now, and so you already have the advantage over this partner-snatcher. If you are seriously bothered by seeing them spending so much time together, calmly talk to your partner about it. Communication is everything in a relationship of any kind and so it's important for you to be open and honest with each other about how you feel. If the guy/girl is considerate, they will listen to you and do what they can to make you feel more appreciated. And no, don't fear coming off as the jealous OAG. You aren't that. Trust me. You are a human being who is dedicated to this other person and to you it seems like you might lose them to someone else and you don't want that. Seriously, nobody does. So talk it out. Another step you could take is to just do more things alone with your partner and spend more time together. Go out on dates, study together, travel, it's all okay, and it will end up okay. So smile and don't stress. The worst case scenario is, as you dread, the end of a relationship, but you have to understand that it's how life is sometimes, even if you don't want it. But you can try the tips I suggested and chances are things will work, and your relationship will stay strong and healthy. Don't be obnoxiously jealous, and don't be a mean person to your partner or their friend. You're going to look crazy, psychotic, and jealous. So just breathe, and communicate. I promise you everything can only go up from there. And honestly, if you are jealous and feel protective and insecure, and let the guy/girl know? It is a serious turn on. So talk it out.3. They Make Him/Her so much Happier Than I Do
This scenario is heartbreaking to witness. Because you see someone else is making your loved one happier than you are and it's so angering and saddening to see that someone else is doing what you cant. Talk to them, and tell them how you feel. In this case, you two don't even have to be in a relationship. You can feel this way about a crush too. But honestly, if you really love that person, and you can see them happier with someone else, let them go and be happy. Their happiness should be everything to you. Don't be jealous of them, simple envy what they have. This is the situation where you leave the relationship, or you stop chasing. If the person you're into really cares? They will race after you instead. And if they don't? Their loss. At least nobody got hurt, they are happy, and you will find someone who would leave you for you. :) Your someone is out there. Girls, if it's a prince charming you're waiting for, go look for him. The poor idiot probably got lost or caught in a tree. Guys, looking for girls? Get out there and search carefully. As my father told me, not every shining rock is a diamond. For all you know it's fool's gold. And you don't want that xD
But that's about everything I had to say on the topic. So to sum it up, all of these forms of jealousy had something in common--you wanted something someone else had, and that made you angry because you thought you couldn't get it. It drove you insane. Now you know what steps you can take to get out of it, and to move forward. Leave behind jealous thoughts. Angry jealousy (taking actions to hurt others because of your emotions) are a turn off. The kind of jealousy that shows you care is beautiful and cute and adorable. So take it easy, breathe.
If I missed anything, leave it in the comments. If you have any questions, leave it in the comments. Sub to the blogs and you wont miss a thing I post! Thanks for reading!!
Peace =)
